A year has come and gone and yet, remains...

This time last year I was indulging in Korean cuisine, broadening my professional horizons, and feeding my international interests. More importantly, I was testing my emotional limitations and trying to bring some sense of closure to my life. Did I succeed?

While the reflection period is ever-constant, I tend to have "moments" when I dissect pieces of my life, to give them meaning and purpose. The most recent "moments" were during my travels to Vancouver for a professional conference. I was reunited with friends, professional colleagues, and about 8,000 other people from around the world. Included in that 8,000 were people I met in Korea during my professional visits, and social gatherings. To my dismay, most of the people I spoke with did not remember me. How could that be? How often do native Koreans see Amazon-like, racially ambiguous people like me? Were they being disingenuous? Did our time together have that little meaning? On the one hand, I spent much of my trip sharing fond memories and funny stories with my friends/colleagues who traveled with me last year. On the other hand, I found myself pissing and moaning about the lack of acknowledgment from my Korean counterparts.

Maybe I'm being a little unfair. After all, what makes me so damn important?

Nothing. This is just an example of the expectations I set for myself and others before, during, and after my time in Korea. I wanted to be welcomed. I wanted to be embraced. I wanted to feel a part of something I've been removed from my entire life. I felt that ten times over in some ways, and not at all in others, but that's OK. It was an experience of a lifetime, and it continues to give me strength in my identity. What could be more important than being proud of who you are? Despite the imperfections of my origin, and the modern day Korean identity crisis (see earlier posts), I am blessed. I am a survivor. I was chosen.

I did succeed. Expectations and pre-conceived notions aside, I accomplished one major goal..to see Korea for MYSELF. All the blogs, images, orientations, personal testimonials, and Google searches in the world couldn't give me what I now possess. Yet, I'm still in my exploratory infancy. Will I desire more from my records? Will I consider a full-on birth family search? Will my Korean heritage become more salient in my daily life? I do not have any concrete answers to those questions at this time, but let's just say I'm looking forward to having a lifetime to think about it and share it with my friends, family, and loved ones...if they are willing to listen, of course.

"Life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and laughter is life's sweetest creation."

All that wisdom from a greeting card. I'd say that sums it up.